On Saturday at 3.30pm at the Bosco, I’ll be hosting a one-off gig wholly devoted to baking. Is that your kind of thing, Melburnians?* We have roped in:
The fabulous Josh Earl, who has written a diamond of a show all about the Iconic Women’s Weekly birthday cake book. Glorious Sarah Millican, who is a connoiseur of puddings all of the way from the North-East of England. And marvellous Maeve Higgins, whose show Ha Ha Yum featured LIVE ONSTAGE BAKING (the second most dangerous type of craft, after white water crafting) and whose re4cent RTE tv show in ireland was called Fancy Vittels.
Here is the thing. if you bring a home-baked pie or cake, you get in for $10 dollars. If you don’t, it’s $20. Bakers will be given priority though! There will be lots of prizes for the best efforts, with special guest celebrity judges and games and all kinds of merriment. And more importantly, think about the maths of it. If everyone brings a pie (average no.of servings 8-10), there will be 8-10 times as much cake as could possibly be healthy or appropriate. Then factor in the people who have come who love to bake but don’t really eat or like cake (creepy feeders), and you’re looking at a surfeit of cake the like of which none of us will have ever experienced.
And if you’re really not convinced yet, then a. what is wrong with you? and b. I have one more way to entice you. As some of you may know, I am allergic to wheat and most gluten, but in addition, since organising the show I’ve learned that I have a big intolerance to sugars linked in with it all. Come merely to watch me sweating like an old addict who’s been left to guard the big pile of Ice while the gang bosses kneecap a grass. How long will I last until I succumb to the sweet sweet pies and cakes that I so adore? There will be a sweepstake. I think I will last almost the whole show and then exclaim the grown up version of “Sod it” and dive in, crying and laughing simultaneously. What do you think?
Thanks to everyone who’s been coming to the shows, I hope this doesn’t jinx it but I am having my favourite season in Melbourne ever this year!
*see how I spelt it properly today.**
***I just remembered a really dodgy joke that wheat-intolerant people may enjoy. “Would you like any of this, it’s Spelt bread?” “I know how it’s spelt, dummy. And no. I can’t, I’m allergic to wheat.” “It’s spelt bread” “Do you think I’m thick? I know how it’s spelt.” “No. It’s bread made from spelt flour.” “I know how flour is spelt. I can’t eat it.” “No. Spelt. the type of flour” “oh. sorry i can’t really eat spelt.”